Nobody goes to Dallas in August if they can help it. But for the last several years, I’ve flown here for her birthday. I felt like this year should be no different. Maybe this year it was more important to do it than ever.

My sister and I are going to the wall today. I like having a place to go. I like having a thing to do.


I like being here. In this relentless heat. In this burning sun.

I think I’ll keep coming to Dallas on August 15th.

I spend a lot of time looking at pictures. And piecing together the things that happened. And trying to fill in the puzzle of six months ago. There are always pieces missing.

There are always missing pieces.

When I was thinking which picture to post today, the first birthday after her death, I thought about posting one I took when she was in the rehab facility this past January. She’s sitting in her chair. And Honey is in her lap. Honey always wanted to climb in that chair with her. And lick her face and ears. Mom loved it. Honey doesn’t do that with other people.

But I’ve already posted pictures similar to that. I’ve already posted pictures of her and Honey. I’ve already posted pictures of her.

This was her cake from four years ago. Her 69th Birthday. My sister always used to get delicious white cakes from Casa Linda Bakery for birthdays. And the three of us would eat them together. And bask in sugar comas afterwards.

Her face isn’t in the picture. But she’s still there in it. She’s missing, but she’s not.

We’ll go to the wall today. And the three of us will be there. Except she’ll be missing. Only not.